LET’S TALK ABOUT IT.

I don’t understand what changed between the two of you. You used to cherish, love and draw great happiness from from each other, So what really changed?

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Well, I have had to ask this particular question to so many of my friends both ladies and gentlemen. The kind of answers I have received so far are so disturbing and hurting in the most excruciating ways than you can imagine. ” He/ she doesn’t care about me no more, I wish I never met him/ her, Shes a hypocrite and he a cheating bastard and I wish him dead. All these responses are really a sign of great pain and reflects a very disturbed state of the heart. Last month, a close friend of mine was sharing her experience with the guy I thought she would get married to eventually. I can;t even start to imagine how wrong I was.

When I ask what happened to them, she sighs, keeps quiet for almost a minute or so, she is engulfed in a reflective state with her head between her hands, then slowly stands up, paces up and down and all you see is total pain in her eyes. Tears are already on the go just awaiting a blink. She is so lost in pain and anger at the same time ;she’s even shaking. I can’t help but wonder what transpired between the two and I make a promise to myself to talk to the guy after I leave.

She finally settles down on the couch and I offer a hug which willingly accepts. She messes up my new whit denim shirt with her running make up, but I really don’t mind because kindness and a listening ear comes with some price. She starts opening up slowly. ” Brian is a b*#@*, I gave him everything I had, all my love and loyalty to that son of a…… I am somehow pissed a little with her flow of language but I cant tell lest she thinks am not listening to her. I stay calm. He  has the audacity to cheat on me and then try and turn things around and try to make them my fault. I am so hurt right now, I have to take drugs so that I can get some sleep, I cant eat at all and everything including my own life has lost meaning that I tried taking it, it really hurts Kelvin…….it really hurts !!”

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Silence doesn’t help much

She then starts sobbing again. After she’s done I ask . Did you cheat on him ?

She looks at me and calmly says yes. ” But he did cheat on me first and I was only getting back at him for betraying me like that.” Am shocked by what she has just confessed.” How long have you been cheating on him and does he know it ?”

“No he doesn’t but I only did it once.” At this moment am thinking of what to tell her.They both cheated on each other and that is even more disturbing. ” How did you know he was cheating ?” I ask calmly.

“My friends said they saw him with another lady who wasn’t me.”

I cant help but think of slapping the devil out of this beautiful lady, but I can’t. “Have you ever caught him cheating and do you know all his family and friends?”

“No……  I just know his elder brother and his parents ”

Have you ever asked him to introduce you to his friends and extended family as well ?”

“No……I just thought that I would find out by myself.” Am getting worried about what I would do this lady if I stayed a minute more with her alone. I cant help but wonder what kind of madness and garbage is upstairs. I tell her to call the guy, truly accepts to come over because there’s no helping them out without the other side of the story.

After about 15 minutes of listening to Brian’s side of the story, I realize that the lady had a birthday coming up in the next two weeks and that arrangements were being made and it came to light that Brian’s mistress was actually an immediate cousin and when she was called ,she confirmed it. So the lady is left helpless and feeling stupid having cheated on his guy with someone who doesn’t even care about her. In fact when I call him, this is what he has to say..

“Hello, aje buda, unajua huyu dame anaitwa Arielle, ni mtall hivi alafu mchocolate kiasi ?” ( Hey dude ,do you know a lady by the name Arielle, she is a bit tall and chocolate in complexion?)translation*

” Oyaa aje aje, Yea namtambua, ule manzi hupeana bila adabu, naskia squad ka yote imemtembelea.” ( Yeah, i know her, the hoe, from what I hear, the whole squad has done couple rounds on her) translation*

I don’t think he realizes he’s on speaker but he goes on for a while before eventually hanging up. I look at Brian and I just can’t imagine what must be running through his mind. So its finally out. Brian didn’t cheat while Arielle has been doing it with everyone. Brian slowly walks out,  think in disbelief and shock and a sense of betrayal. Arielle busts into screaming and crying . Well am stuck with her now because if I left then who knows what she might do. So i do my best to calm her down. She finally falls asleep,  I call her brother to come keep her company before I finally take my leave.

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Its very clear that, there was lack of communication in that relationship and that’s why it had such a brutal ending like that. Relationships have their own up and downs. But communicating even the most pettiest of issues could just keep the fire burning for a while. Gentlemen talk to your ladies when they raise a concerns, doubts and fears, because that is what makes them who they are.They are mostly inquisitive so learn to cope up. If you can’t do that then do date at all until you’re ready.

Ladies, how your dude treats you depends on what kind of person you are and how you carry out yourself. If you will just say stuff and hear anything from your friends and act on them before asking your guy, you will lose him and when you do, it will be your best friend that fed you the wrong information that ends up with him.

A relationship only involves just the two of you.  So do as much to block the voices outside the relationship and communicate with each other much often. You will realize that even when the flame is dying, a small spark can bring it to life by just simply talking and reminding each other how it all started and how far you have come.

Don’t lose them by keeping to yourself.